I like cows. Yes, I am a bovinophile. They are warm cuddly independent beasts who choose to go through life at their own pace.
If you want to befriend a cow, you must adapt to its leisurely speed. I befriended my first cows as a young boy living next to a farm, then while working on dairy farms in upstate New York as a teenager. It is only now in my retirement that I have fully appreciated what they taught me.
Cows remind us to slow down and observe and enjoy what’s around us. When driving, I rarely exceed the speed limit anymore, content to move at a cow’s pace. Enjoy life in the slow lane.
Cows knew this long before Ferris Bueller explained it to us as: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
I no longer delude myself into thinking that I am good at multitasking. Research agrees with me and shows that multitasking is inefficient, adversely affects quality of work and is stressful. It is not good for our brains.
I delight in doing simple things well, one task at a time. Here again, cows have been my guide. They can’t even walk and chew cud at the same time. They need to lie down to do it properly.
I understand my parents’ music better now and have an appreciation for a song that is not in a hurry. If you want to take my evening walk with me, you’d better be ready to stroll. Ungulates amble.
And you haven’t truly had the full nap experience till you’ve had a nap with a cow. In addition to warm and cuddly once you’ve earned their trust, they don’t mind being leaned on at all.
How will you know if you’ve made a cow friend? First, they will allow you to get close to them. Move slowly and do not approach from behind. Next comes touching and a hug. Then a true sign of bovine affection is when they lick you. Cows’ tongues are like sandpaper so be ready for that and don’t flinch.
And lastly with patience and practice, you will achieve the nirvana nap phase.
If you are a Gary Larson cartoon fan, you know that cows are a recurring choice of his as well. My favorite is a scene of cows standing upright on their hind legs until one announces “car,” whereby they all immediately go to all fours.
Smarter than we give them credit for.
Consider cow idioms embedded in our language. Holy cow; cash cow; don’t have a cow; sacred cow; and till the cows come home, just to name a few.
Have you ever wondered what the origin of “How now brown cow” is? In early 18th century Scotland, a brown cow was a nickname for a barrel of beer. “How now brown cow’”was a way to ask for another pint.
Nikola Jokic is the supreme cow of the NBA. He plays at his own deliberate pace in a game where quickness may be the most important physical attribute. He is not only the best passing big man ever, but he has also created a new position in the game, of point center.
Jokic has already mastered some of the important elements of retirement. I would not be surprised that he has cow napped. And just when you think cows are not athletic, don’t forget who jumped over the moon long before we landed on it.
Jim Cross is a retired Fort Lewis College professor and basketball coach.
