Some people embody the gift of grace, an ability to read the room and be a compassionate, steady presence for those whose loved one recently died. People who say and do the right things at the right time.
If you are this person – or would like to possess these qualities – La Plata County Sheriff’s Office Victim Resource Team hopes to add four to six volunteers to offer emotional support and information about resources, such as funeral details and next steps.
It’s a team that dispatches comfort during painful, surreal times. First-responders in their own right.
It’s an interesting concept – how to be emphatic with a stranger at a deeply personal time. This quiet work is such an inspiration in La Plata County.
As reported in The Durango Herald, the Victim Resource Team has been around in some form or another for decades. Yet, it slips out of sight and mind until we actually need it.
Our community is fortunate to have this kind of backup, with volunteers showing up to the scene with a sheriff’s deputy or soon afterward. It’s important, warmhearted work and allows a deputy to focus on his or her duties, while a volunteer tends to the person who experienced the loss, often unexpected, immediate and sharp.
What makes the training for this program special is the razor-sharp focus on the grief process, its varied forms – how it may look wildly different from your own dealings with grief – and ways to provide support. In the thick of the shock, some people grieving have nothing to say, others laugh hysterically, some cry softly, others walk in circles, questioning their very sanity. Victims may move through a range of reactions. A skillful Victim Resource Team member would know what do. How to stay grounded. Or what not to do.
Some things not to say. “It’s God’s will” or “It’s for the best” or other statements that make an assumption and don’t take into account the victim’s true feelings, said Alison Brown Cole, victim resources and wellness coordinator for the Sheriff’s Office.
When you love someone who is “ripped away from you, you might be angry,” Brown Cole said. “In a case like that it’s not effective to say, ‘Don’t be angry.’ How do you know how the soul of another human being feels?”
So true. There lies the challenge. Being comfortable alongside someone else’s extreme discomfort and actually being useful. Good intentions can be misdirected toward filling something missing in the helper rather than the person needing the help.
Brown Cole said an outstanding volunteer follows protocol – staying in that lane of volunteer support rather than counselor – yet trusts instincts given the unique context of the situation.
Equally essential is the followup with victims, “as important or more important than the initial contact,” Brown Cole said. Following the news, after information has been digested, questions then surface on what victims need.
Brown Cole said she’s always amazed by people who have just found out about the death of a loved one and, yet, “allow us the extraordinary honor to be with them, in their space, at such a critical point.”
It’s delicate, benevolent work just being with another person, listening to their words and hearts. We’re grateful to Brown Cole and her team for doing it.
